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1/20/2017 2 Comments Equation for Disappointment I'm a Life Coach and Tarot Reader. One thing they have in common is people come to me for clarity on life matters. So how do you get clear? By digging deep baby. So roll up your sleeves and grab a shovel. Transformation requires work.
Much of that work requires diving into self-awareness. Projecting is a term used in Psychology and a common human practice. It shows up in everyday thoughts and conversations. So how do we tackle it? One of the first things I ask is that you start observing your speech and thoughts. How much of that inner dialogue is rooted in factual information vs. speculation? A common example of projecting is to create stories about a person or situation that is a mirror reflection of your own inner feelings and emotions. For instance "I'm not going to call because they are obviously freaking out and don't want anything to do with me". A little exploration can lead to the discovery that it is actually you that is a bit freaked out. Another example goes a bit like this: "I can't believe him! I'm so hurt, frustrated and angry he didn't even ask me about my day! I thought he was my friend and cared about me! I asked how his day was." I call this baiting. You ask or say things with the expectation the other person will pick up on the cue and respond the way you want. Clear speech and intent are key to getting what you want out of life. I developed a tool I call the Disappointment Equation: Expectation + Poor/non Communication = Disappointment If a person does not know what you need, want or desire, how can they meet that expectation? When the equation is enacted repetitively, disappointment starts transforming into resentment. Resentment is a cancer and silent killer that erodes a relationship right out from under you. Valentine's Day: A classic Disappointment Equation. V-Day is fraught with expectations. Single folks feel the pressure to be with someone. Partners feel the pressure to perform various acts of romantic gestures (Sometimes outside their normal comfort zone). While their other halves are wringing hands waiting for those gestures to show up in the form of flowers, gifts, dinners, romance and the promise of some action between the sheets. The trappings and ultimate validation for that small insecure voice that needs to know "I Am Loved" I have supplied my shoulder to countless friends, co-workers and clients who were the casualties of the post V-Day Disappointment Equation. From single friends professing Valentine's Day a sham to the partner who said "They didn't plan anything!" When I was in my 20's I watched the procession of countless plush animals with "I Love You" embroidered on their little tums and bouquet upon bouquet of flowers arrive at work. With each new delivery I could see the desperate and anxious hope reflected in my co-workers faces as they watch the receptionist appear with the latest delivery. I felt the collective pang of disappointment when she delivered it to someone else's cubicle. I recognised it because I was one of them. I felt my shoulders slump slightly and plastered on a smile that didn't reach my eyes. I had a choice. Stew, get mad, hurt, resentful and adopt punishing behaviour or talk it out with my boyfriend when I got home. I was working in an ad agency and it was very competitive. I had to look at my own need for validation. He didn't love me less because a dozen long stem red roses didn't turn up at work. I had to look my insecure self in the eye and ask her why she needed so desperately to show those judgemental folks that she was loved. It wasn't about him. It was about me. Part of myself wanted to hang it all on his shoulders. Boy did it! Instead I took a breath and looked at the tools I had in my spiritual arsenal. I took myself aside and invited observation and questions of my inner landscape. Was I still feeling disappointed and hurt? Hell YES! but I now knew where to place that information. And it was squarely on MY shoulders. What holds you back from what you want? How many of you hold expectations without truly communicating them? Do you ask for what you want? Do you swallow your voice and internalise it? Start observing your expectations and how you do/don't communicate them. Are you seeing resentment beginning to fester, engaging in gossip and catching yourself putting people down? Time to take a look in the mirror and seek out the hidden emotional undercurrent seeking to drag you under. As a magic worker and seeker on a spiritual path "Know Thyself" is the first step. Self-awareness is a foundation to any spiritual work. You truly have the power to change your world.
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